This digital object has been developed from the University of Barcelona in Fine Arts Degree context, most specifically, in Contemporary Visual Arts Subject.
Contemporary visualization is a subject we’ve taken in the third year of Arts degree in University of Barcelona. What we first set out –to try understanding ourselves in the current art context– was the notion of artistic capitalism: We studied the four historical stages of art in society, which is our politic, economic and social context in front the Art market, where we could find some examples in our lives and, most significant, we were asked where that notion placed us.
Looking into this idea, we followed practices, which precisely, avoid artistic capitalism. Then, another notion was introduced to us, decoloniality. A concept closely tied to queer theories, the ones we’d studied half a year ago. All those theoretical classes and individual research have helped me to find our bubble out. A bubble which our faculty takes part, so the education we get in as art students.
All this issue along with our last and short classes about visual narratives have blown up my look, mainly when it comes to understand, produce and share my artistic activities. So now there are many more conceptions apart from the artistic genius and “his” masterpiece in my horizon. Others creative ways to question and challenge this capitalist-colonial-globalized-patriarchal- system where we live are possible.
The second part of the subject focused an investigation about desire and its visual representation. The main group was divided in smaller groups by what we want to research. The one I belonged to had “Are we free to desire?” as the main question. Broadly the answer is that desire is the result of the dialogue between individual drives and the social conditions that construct us. The investigation has let us know and explore authors like Gilles Deleuze, Michel Foucault, Walter Mignolo and Byung-Chul Han.
The first research is and it has been like rubbing salt into the wound of my desires, just to put them into question, makes me believe in others ways to look myself and look myself in towards my surroundings. I’ve learnt desire can be colonial power weapon. My desires are colonized, however, I realise I am constantly building speeches and imaginaries which generate a colonial truth regime. I am colonized and colonialist. I engrossed myself in a personal example: my fondness-sexual relations: how difficult is trying to decolonialize oneself and, so frustrating, how we are rules carriers.
I realised the way we desire is also a political stance. It took me to question my silence posicion, and my comfort. Nevertheless, all those questions and speeches that I am imbued with become violent to myself because I am not able to embody theories. Is it for legitimacy? Is it for fear to lose others acknowledgement?
The most optimistic side is I am handy to deal with my desires o more exactly to attempt my own way of desire as a flow, a tide wave, a become. Like Deleuze ideas of “a body without organs” and “desirable subject”. So by now, the point isn’t know myself, but detach of myself”. How I relate to myself to relate simultaneously with the world? How I desire myself to desire simultaneously the world? I think it is about creating with me and with the other desires which have “no name”.
All this reflections (in and out the classroom) are the ones that show how much of autobiographical thinks there are in the learning process. I want to retake a phrase once called by the teacher: “An investigation way cannot solve out vital doubts, but it can let us find some marks”.
Finally, I recognize my motivation level has been decreasing about practise and participation, despite it is an open door, and I am still in. In any case, I need to thank the given opportunity of working alternatively.
By: Meritxell Vera